i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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