Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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