P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
