I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
