Girls should come with a carfax report
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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