she was so not down for the gang bang
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
