he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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