if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
