she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
