I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
