i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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