We're facebook friends in real life
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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