If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
