my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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