I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize