Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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