At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
