the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
