I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
