once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
