I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
