I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
