The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
