i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
