It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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