Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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