i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
