Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
