Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
