if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
