She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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