just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize