I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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