So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
