I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
