Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize