well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
