hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
