Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
