Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
