Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
