Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
