Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
