im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
