forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
