I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
