I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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