if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My balls are so social today.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
