I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This baby is an asshole
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize