I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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