I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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