I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
