if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
