I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
