He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
