we're blogging at a bar
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
