How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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