Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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