don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
