I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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