need another drink. this is the easiest way
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
