I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
