I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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