Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
