Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
