Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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