some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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