i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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