I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
