that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
