I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
