we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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