Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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