I puked a lego.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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