Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
