If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
