I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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