I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
