Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
