I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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