I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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