Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
