If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
her facebook's as public as her vagina
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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