she looked like the before picture.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
