My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
