i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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